Charisma and power of presence
Whatever your position in life, regardless of your goals and ambitions, charisma is one of the most important means of success, whether on a personal or professional level. It is one of the primary factors that allow you to be in the spotlight, bring attention to you, and even convince them of your opinions and ideas. Not only that, but charisma is essential to being a leader who can win loyal supporters who are ready to reach the ends of the earth for you.
What is charisma?
Charisma is defined as the ability to attract, charm, and influence others. It is usually easy to determine when someone is attractive. However, it is often difficult to determine exactly what skills or traits these people possess that make them charismatic. Some of them attract others to him by the power of his words, while others are satisfied with a strong presence or sober calm.
It may seem to some that charisma is just a genetic trait that some people are born with and many lack, but fortunately, this belief is completely wrong. Far from being a hard-to-get magic trait, charisma is actually divided into a set of tangible behaviors that anyone can learn, train and acquire over time. Olivia Fox Cabane, author of “The Charisma Myth”, classified it. These behaviors are among three main elements, the combination of which creates a strong personal attraction:
_ The power of presence.
_ Power and strength.
_ Affection and warmth.
In Learning Today, we will address the first element of charisma, which is the power of being present, and we will touch on a number of practical tips that you can adhere to in order to develop this aspect of your personality. There will also be other articles dealing with the remaining two elements of charisma.
The first component: the power of presence
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and had the feeling that this person was not paying you their full attention? What did you feel then? You have undoubtedly been a little uncomfortable with your interlocutor’s behavior.
Unfortunately, this phenomenon is increasing in popularity day by day, and we find that the number of people who receive our conversations with deaf ears is constantly declining, especially with the entry of smartphones into our lives, where it has become difficult for a person to be fully present in a dialogue or conversation. We are desperately trying to reconcile the real world we live in and the people we interact with, and the virtual world that is burdening us with messages, pictures, and alerts on social media. And in every restaurant or cafe, you enter, you will notice the huge number of customers sitting together at tables staring idly at their phone screens instead of talking to the person sitting with them!
What is the power of presence?
When we think about “the power of presence”, we may imagine the idea of looking like wonderful people who have a wonderful personality that makes all the audience around us pay attention to us and are attracted to us, but the secret that may seem contradictory to some and related to this element of charisma is that this trait It does not mean that we show our best qualities and look like perfect people, but rather it is that we make the person in front of us feel like a wonderful human being! A real strong presence, after the dialogue ends, makes the other party feel that he is an important person, and gives him a better impression of himself.
Tips for achieving the power of presence
You don’t have to be a social person to have a strong presence and charisma. For example, Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla, who has always been known to be a social and extrovert party star, always gives his full attention and focus to a small number of attendees, instead of talking to many people. This makes this few feel special and important, and increases their attraction to it. This means that charisma is more related to the quality of communication than its quantity (the number of people who are communicated with).
Here is a set of tips that contribute to strengthening your presence:
1- Focus on now
The power of presence begins in your mind, so if you feel that your mind is busy with something while you are talking to someone, try this simple exercise that will help you return to the present moment: Focus on your physical senses that you often ignore, this could be your breathing, or The feeling of your feet touching the ground, or the feel of your coat pocket touching your hands … etc. You don’t have to spend a lot of time on this type of meditation, just a few seconds is enough to bring you back to the present moment that you are sharing with a particular person.
2- Make sure you are comfortable
It is hard to have your mind completely present with your interlocutor if you are thinking about your tight pants, or your shoes hurting your feet, or you are preoccupied with the heat! So make sure to always do everything you can to be comfortable in every way. Choose from clothes that suit you, as well as being a way to look your best, choosing clothes correctly can make you feel better. Other factors that contribute to making you feel good include getting enough sleep, reducing caffeine consumption and adjusting the temperature around you (if possible) to an ideal level that makes you feel good.
3- Put your phone down
Removing a cell phone or any other smart devices is one of the most important steps that you must take to have a strong presence, as this behavior serves two main goals. The first is to reduce your increased desire to check your phone at every moment while you are talking to someone, and the second is to provide a positive signal to the person in front of you that you are paying your full attention instead of notifying him that your focus is divided between him and this device.
4- Do not neglect eye contact
5- Show your interlocutor that you are listening
In addition to eye contact with your interlocutor, you have to show him that you are listening carefully, and you can do so using an easy and simple way, you only have to shake your head positively. But that doesn’t mean, of course, that you should shake your head too much to appear as if you are trying so hard to agree with everything he says, you have to really listen to the person in front of you until you determine the right time for approval or opposition.
6- Ask questions to the person who is speaking
An easy way to show the person in front of you that you care about what he’s saying is to ask him questions that ask for more clarification of his speech. For example, initiate the following question: “What did you mean specifically by saying such-and-such?” You can also paraphrase part of this person’s words in another way, and finish by saying, “Did I get you right?” You can also ask questions such as: “What did you like the most about this?” Or, “What have you found difficult in this situation?” People naturally enjoy thinking about events they have been through and answering questions about their feelings about their situations.
7- Avoid fidgeting
Fidgeting is a signal to your speaker that you are uncomfortable and would like you to be somewhere else instead of talking to him, which makes this person feel bad. Avoid sighing or looking at the watch several times, or even wandering around to see what is going on around you, as such behaviors give a strong indication that you do not receive the importance of what the person in front of you says, which leads to the decline of the strength of your presence and reduces your attractiveness.
8- Do not think of answers to your interlocutor’s questions
Avoid continuing to think of answers to your interlocutor, we all do, as we naturally want to be ready to respond as soon as the other person finishes their words. But that simply means that we weren’t really listening to what the other person was saying. Wait a few seconds after the other person has finished speaking before you speak up, since responding the moment your speaker finishes means that you were thinking about the answer while he was speaking and were not fully aware of what he was saying, something that will not contribute at all to making you a charismatic person.
Follow these steps in order when responding to anyone who speaks to you:
_ First, wait for the other person to finish.
_ Second, show him that you are trying to assimilate what he says to you through your facial expressions.
_ Third, show an appropriate reaction to what he said with your face expressions, and in the process think about the appropriate response.
_ Fourth, provide your response to what you have heard from this person.
By following these tips, and practicing them constantly, you will notice that your presence has grown stronger over time, thus you have built the first element of true charisma. You can now move on to the next element, which is power or authority.
Read also: Effective communication skills